Alright, y'all need to know one thing. We're punting. The chips were down, and we had a ways to go, but we ain't gonna make it, not right now. Wait, fuck sports metaphors. Incoherent jock-strap babble means little these days.
All I'm trying to say is that the upcoming Hellview in Bellevue is being postponed from this weekend to tentatively the 3oth of May.
"Why?" you might ask, "But for what?"
Because I don't have time to put together the most killerest scavenger hunt that ever terrorized upper-middle and upper-upper class white people until the proposed date of the ride. Rest assured the following must be done to successfully ride straight out of the gates of hell, er gated communities of Hellview:
1. Urinate on a new condo development.
2. Touch a consulting firm (and drink in its parking lot)
3. Set off the car alarm of at least one luxury sedan from each of the following countries: America, Japan, Germany, bonus points for France, Italy or England.
4. Request grey poupon from at least one luxury sedan driver while at a stoplight.
5. Burn down Mercer Island
6. Swim in a lake/creek/ditch
Teams, official date, full route map and objective lists will be showing up soon. Until then...